Law: Eta Lambda Nu Rho – Journals

October 16, 2007

A few days ago I did a post about how law school mockers are missing the ultimate paydirt of mocking comparisons – Greek Life.  At the the end of that article, I said I would be making a similar comparison between Greek Life and Journals.  Now before you guys accuse me of beating a dead horse only doing this post because of the nice and angry complaints from people in the south IM’s you sent, go back and check, I really did mention this when I posted my last article.

A few weeks after school starts, Harvard does something called “Orientatin Part 2” which is basically slang for “Now that you have been here and have a little down time, join more stuff so you don’t sleep.”  At this point they pitch all of the student practice orgs, clubs, social orgs, and journals.

Now, before I go into detail, let me provide you with a brief overview of how journals solicit members. 

The schools places a time limit on when journals can contact us saying no involvement before X date (see where this is going) during this time,journals scrawl on blackboad after blackboard about their upcoming events (Blackboards are the new T-shirts).  Despite rules that say they can’t contact us, some journals (Read:  JLPP) find ways to skirt the rules (federalist society events). 

So now the time arrives, journals can contact us and what do they do?  Hold a bunch of identical events were they give us free food and talk to us about the same topics.  If this wasn’t irony enough, the following is a list of “benefits” that every journal claimed to provide:

1. Job opportunities

2. Social connections

3. Help getting through classes / outline banks

4. Leadership positions

Man, repetitive discussion about job opportunities, friendship, help with clases, and leadership, where have I heard this before….. 

Now, eventually you narrow it down to a couple of choice, as you start to ask the hard questions. 

Me:  Mr. CRCL, how large is your journal? 

CRCL: “We are the biggest non law review”

Me:  “Mr. JLPP, how large is your journal?”

JLPP:  “Largest non law review anywhere”

Me:  Mr. JOLT, how large is your journal?”

JOLT:  “Largest on campus.”

 Hmm….. sounds framiliar, everybody is the biggest.  So are any of them lying?  Nope, just like recruitment, they just use selective definitions of biggest.  Lets review:

TKE:  Most chapter houses, SAE: Most initates, Sig Ep:  Most dudes alive right now, Pike:  Largest average chapter size, Sigma Chi:  Stronges national name recognition.

JLPP: Largest non flagship circulation, CRCL: Most people involved on campus, Random journal I wasn’t interested in:  Most often cited, some other journal I didn’t look at:  Largest paid circulation.

Not everybody can be the biggest, some journals have to be smaller, and man will they tell you reasons I have never heard for why being smaller is good, such origionality as:  “You can get involved sooner”, “you know everybody in your journal” and “you get a more meaningful experience with less red tape.”  hmm…..

So now I know I want to join a fraternity journal, whats next?  I have to learn the shortened name.  I joined HNLR (Hence the title of his post) and JLPP.  The only difference I have notice so far – you can pick more than one journal.  So I picked my journal, I know how to say my short form name really fast, now what…..

COMPARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND TALK ABOUT HOW AWSOME YOURS IS!!!!!  You, don’t remember that.

Ok, so now I have been in a fraternity  for a few weeks… what happens…..

Pledging Subciting…. the definition of making younger members do garbage that the older members don’t want to do.  After a year of this, if you suck up to someone powerful do a good job, a big brother senior editor, the person that has been watching over the work you are doing, might recommend you to become a senior editor as well.  One step up in the ranking.

Keep working hard, do what’s expected, and in a year you might even make Exec Upper Masthead. 

So I think I have taken this about as far as it can go:  The short names, recruitment similarities, everybody is the best, free food with identical speeches, and hazing.  Whats missing?

Journals, how on earth have you not found a way to create some sort of negative term to refer to non-journal people?  I spend four years talking about “GDI’s”, gosh darnit, we need a term.

Let me be the first to suggest: 

KWF – Kid with freetime. 

It just doesn’t have the same ring.

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